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ميگوييم : خب ؛ عيال جان ؛ اگر پيرى نيست پس چه مرگ مان است ؟؟ يعني داريم نا سلامتى توي اين سن و سال " آلزايمر " ميگيريم؟؟
عيال نگران ميشود و به دكتر مان زنگ ميزند و براى مان وقت ميگيرد و ما هم شال و كلاه ميكنيم و ميرويم دكتر .
البته دكتر رفتن مان هم خودش داستانى است . عيال براي روز دوشنبه ساعت ده صبح براي مان وقت ميگيرد ؛ اما ما تازه عصر سه شنبه يادمان ميآيد كه قرار بود دوشنبه به ديدن دكتر مان برويم !
عيال ميخواهد ملامت مان بكند اما ما همان بهانه ى هميشگى مان را علم مى كنيم كه : مصيبت بود پيرى و نيستى ...!!

يك داستان ديگرى هم برايتان بگويم : ما چند وقتي است كه كلسترول خون مان بالاست .از بس كه حرص و جوش ميزنيم اين كلسترول خون مان هى بالا ميرود . در عوض حساب بانكى مان هي پايين و پايين تر ميآيد !
گيله مردى كه ما باشيم نه اهل ورزش ايم ؛ نه اهل رژيم ايم ؛ نه اهل روزه ايم ؛ نه اهل نماز . شيرينى ميخوريم ؛ ترشى ميخوريم ؛ چربى ميخوريم ؛ ويسكى ميخوريم ؛ ودكا مي خوريم ؛ گهگاهى غصه هم ميخوريم ! _ آخر آدم كه بى پول باشد نازكدل هم ميشود !! _ لاجرم هر چه قرص و دوا ميخوريم اين كلسترول لعنتي مان پايين آمدنى نيست .

دكتر مان ميگويد : اگر رژيم نگيريم و ورزش نكنيم ؛ ممكن است شبي ؛ نصفه شبى ؛ اين قلب مافنگي مان از كار بيفتد و تلنگ مان در برود و غزل خدا حافظى را بخوانيم . يك عالمه قرص و دوا هم به ما داده است .اما ما عين خيال مان نيست . به خودمان ميگوييم : جان بايد بالاخره در برود ؛ حالا چه از گلو چه از پهلو ...!!
صبح كه از خواب پا ميشويم جايتان خالى ميرويم يك صبحانه ى مفصل براى خودمان درست ميكنيم و مى نشينيم به خوردن . يكي دو تا چاي تازه دم هم مى نوشيم و آماده ميشويم كه برويم سر كار مان .آنوقت تازه ياد مان ميآيد كه اى داد و بيداد ؛ قرص هامان را نخورده ايم . ميرويم قوطي قرص ها را ميآوريم و ميگذاريم روي ميز . يكدانه اش را از قوطى در ميآوريم و با يك ليوان آب ميخوريم . بعدش راه مى افتيم كه برويم سر كار . هنوز از خانه مان بيرون نرفته ايم كه يادمان ميرود قرص مان را خورده ايم يا نه ؟؟!! دوباره بر ميگرديم پاي ميز صبحانه . دوباره قوطي قرص ها را ور ميداريم و يك ساعت با خودمان كلنجار ميرويم كه آيا قرص امروز مان را خورده بوديم يا نه ؟؟!! دست آخر ؛قوطى را مى اندازيم يك گوشه اى و به خودمان ميگوييم : گور پدر هر چه قرص و دواست .... و از خانه ميزنيم بيرون .

يك داستان ديگري هم برايتان بگوييم و برويم پي كارمان .
ما اين روز ها ؛ اسم هيچ كسى يادمان نمى ماند . گاهگدارى اسم خودمان هم يادمان ميرود .پريشب ها دست عهد و عيال را گرفتيم و رفتيم اپرا . يكى از دوستان قديم مان هم با عهد و عيالش همراه مان بود . توي سالن انتظار ؛ رييس بانك مان را ديديم . آمد سوي ما و كلى تعارف تكه پاره كرديم و خوش و بشى با عيال مان كرد و ما آمديم دوستان مان را بهشان معرفى كنيم . هر چه به كله مبارك مان فشار آورديم اسم رفيق چندين و چند ساله مان يادمان نيامد !! باز خدا پدر عيال مان را بيامرزد كه پا در ميانى كرد و ما را از آن مخمصه نجات داد و آبروي چندين و چند هزار ساله ى ما را حفظ كرد !! اگر بدانيد چه خجالتى كشيدم ؟؟ براستى كه : مصيبت بود پيرى و نيستى ...

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