October 31, 2003
گل آقا عاشق مى شود


گل آقا عاشق مى شود .... !!!!

**همولايتى من ؛ گل آقا ؛ عاشق شده بود . بد جورى هم عاشق شده بود . عاشق گل نسا شده بود . چنان هم عاشق شده بود كه سر از دستار نمى شناخت .

گل آقا ؛ همولايتى من ؛ يك روز شال و كلاه كرد و رفت خواستگاري گل نسا .
پدر گل نسا خانم از گل آقا پرسيد :
_ شما خانه داريد ؟؟
گل آقا گفت : نه !
پرسيد : ماشين داريد ؟؟
گفت : نه !
پرسيد : باغ و مزرعه و گاو و گوسفند داريد ؟؟
گفت : نه !
پرسيد : پول و پله و پس انداز داريد ؟؟
گفت : نه !
پرسيد : نوكر دولت هستيد ؟؟
گفت : نه !
پرسيد : ملك و املاك و دكان و كاروانسرا داريد ؟؟
گفت : نه !
يارو عصبانى شد و سر گل آقا داد كشيد كه : مرد نا حسابى ! پس با اين ريش ميخواهى بروى تجريش ؟؟ تو كه ترب ندارى بخورى چرا آروغ قيمه ميزنى ؟؟ شكم گشنه تق تق پاشنه ؟؟
بعدش در خانه را نشانش داد و گفت : بگوز و برو كه تنها نباشى !!!

گل آقاى بيچاره كه از بى كفنى زنده بود و آه نداشت كه با ناله سودا بكند ؛ در آمد كه :
_ آقاى محترم ! اگر چه دنيا مان بدتر از آخرت يزيد است ؛ و اگرچه مال و منال و اهن و تلپ نداريم ؛ در عوض دلى داريم اندازه ى دريا ! و آنقدر هم گل نسا را دوست داريم كه حاضريم خودمان را به هر آب و آتشى بزنيم تا گل نسا جان مان خوشبخت و خوشحال بشود !!

پدر گل نسا در آمد كه :
_ به بد ديوارى شاشيدى عمو جان !! با بارك الله و آفرين ؛ ران كسى گنده نميشود ! اين روز ها فقط پول ستار العيوب است و بس ! پول بده روي سبيل شاه نقاره بزن !

گل آقا ؛ دست از پا دراز تر ؛ نه در سر كلاه و نه در پاى كفش ؛ عينهو تفنگچي بى سرب و باروت ؛ آمد بيرون . چه بكند چه نكند ؟؟ يكراست رفت سراغ بقعه ى امامزاده هاشم . آنجا پاي ضريح نشست و يك شكم سير گريه كرد . بعدش دخيلى به ضريح بست و دو سه هزار تومانى هم نذر آقا كرد بلكه دل باباي گل نسا رحم بيايد و او را به غلامى بپذيرد .
فردايش ؛ براى محكم كارى ؛ رفت سراغ بقعه ى امير شهيد . آنجا هم كلى آبغوره گرفت و دخيلى بست و نذر و نيازى كرد و از " آقا " خواست كه او را به وصال محبوبش برساند .
پس فردايش ؛ پاشنه ى گيوه اش را ور كشيد و رفت خدمت امامزاده آسيد رضى كيا . آنجا هم ناله و ندبه و استغاثه اى كرد و پولى سلفيد و با هزار اميد و آرزو آمد خانه .

فردا و پس فردا و پسين فردا و پس پسين فردا ؛ همينطور منتظر بود كه يكى از راه برسد و برايش پيغام بياورد كه : بفرما ! دعايت مستجاب شد . اما بمصداق اينكه احمدك خيلى خوشگل بود آبله هم در آورد ؛ از طرف پدر گل نسا خانم برايش پيغام آمد كه : امشب همه شب چمچه زدى كو حلوات ؟؟ كيسه ي خالى و دلى خواهان ؟؟
يعنى كه : تا پول دارى رفيقتم ... قربون بند كيفتم !
يعنى كه : بهتر است بنشينى و همينطور " خيال پلو " بپزى !!

گل آقا چون ديد از امامزاده ها هم بخارى بر نمى خيزد ؛ و اگر آنها را چنين كرمى باشد او را از اين طالع ها نيست ؛ رفت مقدارى نفت خريد و يكراست رفت سراغ بقعه ى امامزاده هاشم . نفت را ريخت و كبريت را كشيد و بقعه را به آتش كشاند !! بعدش رفت سراغ بقعه ى امير شهيد و آسيد رضي كيا و آنها را هم آتش زد .

حالا چه بر سر گل آقا آمده است ما بى اطلاعيم ؛ اما آنطور كه روزنامه هاي ايران نوشته اند گويا بيچاره گل آقا توسط پاسداران دستگير شده و حالا در زندان است و لابد هم بايد شلاق را بخورد هم پياز را ....

**** براي خواندن متن اصلي اين خبر به سايت " بازتاب " مراجعه بفرماييد .


نوشته شده توسط گیله مرد در  11:37 AM


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