مهما ن نوازى گيله مردانه ..!!!
اين دوست جوان ما ن آقاى پيا م چرنديا تى ، از لس آنجلس آمده بود ديدن ما ، البته ما آين آقاى چرنديا تى را يكى دو سا لى دورا دور مى شناختيم و گهگا ه تلفنى گپى ميزديم و سر بسر همديگر ميگذاشتيم ، اما تا هفته پيش همديگر را نديده بوديم .
اين آقاى چرنديا تى هفته پيش آمد سراغ ما در شما ل كا ليفرنيا . با هم آش و اشكنه اى خورديم و عصرش هم عرق مهمان نوازى گيله مردانه مان گل كرد و برديمش شهر كوچك ما ن را نشا نش داديم و با هم به كتا بفروشى border رفتيم تا هم نگا هى به كتا ب ها بيندازيم ، هم يك ليوان قهوه نوش جا ن كنيم .
اين آقاى چرنديا تى دوربين عكا سى اش را هم همراهش آورده بود و هر جا كه مى رفتيم تلق و تلوق از ما عكس ميگرفت و ما غا فل از اينكه اين چرنديا ت نويس نا قلا مى خواهد براى ما آش بپزد .
شب كه آمديم خانه ، من بهش گفتم : اى آقاى چرندياتى ! ما گيله مرد هاى امريكايى ، راه و روش مخصوص به خودما ن براى پذيرايى از مهما نها يما ن داريم كه به آن ميگوييم مهمان نوازى گيله مردانه !! به اين معنا كه مهما ن ما ن را روز اول خوب پذيرايى ميكنيم ، اگر روز دوم ديديم كه قصد ما ندن دارد ، توى غذايش مرگ موش ميريزيم !! و اگر ديديم مرگ موش كا رگر نشده است از آن سم ها يى كه فيل را از پا مى اندازد توى غذايش ميريزيم تا هر چه زود تر شرش از سر ما كنده بشود !! بيچاره آقاى چرندياتى شب را خا نه ى ما ما ند و صبح كله ى سحر با ر و بنديلش را بست و به بها نه ى اينكه مى خواهد دوستش " خدا داد " را در بركلى ببيند راهش را كشيد و رفت .!!! حالا كه به سلامت به لس آنجلس رسيده ، هر چه عكس از ما گرفته بود گذاشته است روى سا يت چرنديات و چنان آشى براى ما پخته است كه يك وجب روغن رويش نشسته است .
يك موضوع ديگر را هم با شما در ميان بگذارم . آقا ! ما اصلا اهل خريد مريد نيستيم . يعنى اگر عيال مان بگويد برو نيم كيلو لوبياى سبز بخر ، ما ميرويم توى سوپر ماركت هاى ولنگ و واز ، اما هر چه ميگرديم و هر چه بالا و پايين ميرويم لوبياى سبز را نمى توانيم پيدا كنيم و دست از پا دراز تر به خانه مى آييم و به عيال ميگوييم اين سوپر ماركت لوبياى سبز نداشته است !! اگر بگويد برو دو كيلو نا رنگى بخر ، ما ميرويم بجاى نا رنگى پرتقال ميخريم !! اگر بگويد پرتقا ل بخر ، ما بجا يش نا رنگى ميخريم !! روزى كه اين آقاى چرنديا تى مهما ن مان بود، عيال ما ن تلفن كرد و گفت : جناب آقاى گيله مرد ! موقع آمدن به خانه ، لطفا يك توك پا برو سوپر ماركت و يكى دو قوطى نخود سبز بخر كه ميخواهم سالاد اوليويه درست كنم . ما هم آين آقاى چرندياتى را بر داشتيم و رفتيم سوپر ماركت ، اما بجا ن شما ، ده هزار جور نخود سبز آنجا بود كه من بيچاره نميدانستم كدامش براى سالاد اوليويه است و كدامش براى آش اشكنه !! و همين بها نه اى به دست آقاى چرنديا تى داد تا در آن حيرانى و سرگردانى ، هى تلق و تلوق از ما عكس بگيرد ، و حالا هم مدعى بشود كه گيله مردى كه ما با شيم فرق بين لوبياى سبز و ذرت را نميدانيم !! البته خداييش را بخواهيد راست ميگويد ، اما ما انتظا ر نداشتيم كه اين آقاى چرنديا تى اينجورى پته ى ما را روى آب بريزد .
حالا براى اينكه بدانيد اين آقاى چرنديا تى چه آشى براى ما پخته است اينجا را كليك كنيد تا بدانيد چرا هوار من از دست اين آقا ى چرنديا تى به آسمان رفته است !!
نكته ديگر اينكه : خوب است كه در اين شهر كوچك ما ،يعنى در واقع در اين روستا شهر ما ، الحمد الله هيچكس از دوستان و همسا يگا ن مان فا رسى نميدانند و نمى توانند نوشته هاى آقاى چرنديا تى را بخوانند و گرنه كارمان زار بود و ما را به بها نه ى اينكه فرق بين ذرت و نخود سبز را نميداند از شهر شان بيرون ميكردند . نا سلامتى آخر ما كد خداى اين ولايت هستيم بابا !!
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