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ما چهار تا رفيق هستيم كه هفته اي يك شب دور هم جمع مى شويم ، سه تامان عيالواريم ويكىمان زنش چند وقت پيش به بيمارى سرطان در گذشته است . شامى مى خوريم و دمى به خمره مى زنيم و مى گوييم و مى خنديم .
هر چهار تا مان كلسترولى هستيم ! يعنى كلسترول مان آنقدر بالاست كه بايد روزى چند تا قرص بالا بيندازيم .
رفيق مان كامبيز ، آنقدر در خوردن چربى و گوشت و نميدانم شيرينى و اينجور چيز ها مراعات مي كند كه ما هم از ترس او جرات نداريم دست به شكلات و گوشت قرمز و خوردني هاي ديگر بزنيم ! مى رود ورزش و پياده روى مى كند و سبزى و ميوه مى خورد و دست به هله هوله هاى ديگر نمى زند . وقتى مى خواهد مواد غذايي بخرد آنقدر بالا و پايين شان مى كندو ميزان چربى و اندازه ى نمك و چيز هاي ديگرش را مى خواند كه حوصله ما سر مى رود .
آن يكى رفيق مان - سعيد - اگر چه هم كلسترول دارد ، هم قند دارد ، هم فشار خونش بالاست ، و هم وزنش زياد است ، اما بر خلاف كامبيز ، چندان در پى رژيم و مژيم و اينجور كارها نيست و هر چه هم دستش بيايد مى خورد . خودش مى گويد صبح كه مى خواهم از خانه بيايم بيرون ، زنم يك مشت قرص هاى رنگ وارنگ را - كه هر كدام شان به درد يك بيمارى مى خورند - به دستم مى دهد و من آنها را قورت مى دهم و مى روم سر كارم !
دوست ديگرمان - ممد آقا - تازگى ها به درد ما ها مبتلا شده و او هم كلسترولش بالاست ، اما قرص هايش را مرتب مى خورد و چندان هم در پي رژيم و پياده روى و ورزش و اينحرف ها نيست .
خود من هم كه واويلا !آنچنان كلسترولم بالاست كه دكترم به من مى گفت اگر اين قرص ها را نخورى و روزى دستكم يك ساعت ورزش نكنى ، رفتنى هستى ! يعنى اينكه احتمال سكته قلبى يا مغزى ات بسيار است .
همه ى اينها را گفتم ، اين را هم بگويم كه خيال نكنيد ما پير و پاتال هستيم و پاى مان لب گور هست ها !؟ ما ، هر چهار تا مان، دور و بر پنجاه سالگى پرسه مى زنيم و هنوز به نيمه دوم عمر نرسيده ايم ، اما اين بيمارى كلسترول و قند و فشار خون دست از سر مان بر نميدارند !
چند وقت پيش من از ترس رفتم يك دوچرخه خريدم ، دويست و خرده اى دلار دادم و يك دوچرخه ى حسابى خريدم و آوردمش خانه و گذاشتمش توى گاراژ . تصميم داشتم صبحهاى خيلى زود از خواب پا بشوم و بروم دوچرخه سوارى ! اما حالا مدت هاست كه آن دوچرخه توى گاراژ افتاده است و من هر وقت چشمم بهش مى افتد خنده ام مى گيرد ! با خودم مى گويم : از هفته آينده دوچرخه سوارى را شروع خواهم كرد ! اما هنوز كه هنوز است آن " هفته آينده " نيامده است و من اگر چشم عيال را دور ببينم ، موقع شام يا ناهار ، يك تكه كره توى برنجم خواهم گذاشت و روى سالاد هم دزدكى مقدارى نمك خواهم ريخت !
خب ، حالا لابد خواهيد گفت : اين حرفها بما چه ؟ راستش مى خواستم داستانى را كه سعيد برايمان تعريف كرده براي تان باز گو كنم تا كمى بخنديد :
سعيد مى گفت : چند وقت پيش رفتم پيش دكترم ، دكترم پس از معاينه ، فرستادم براى آزمايش خون ، من هم رفتم آزمايش خون و يكى دو هفته بعد ش دوباره رفتم پيش دكترم . دكترم وقتيكه نتيجه ى آزمايشهايم را ديد گفت : سعيد ، چيكار كردى ؟ كلسترولت خيلى پايين اومده ! اصلا يه معجزه ست ! بگو تا من به مريضاى ديگه م بگم همون كارى رو بكنن كه تو كرده اى . سعيد گفت : دكتر ، بخدا روم نميشه بهتون بگم !
دكتر گفت : چى چى روت نميشه مرد حسابى ؟ بگو ببينم چيكار كردى ؟!
سعيد گفت : ميدونى دكتر ، هر چه نسخه برام نوشته بودى ، من همه شون رو انداختم توى آشغالدونى و اصلا و ابدا داروهات رو نخريدم و نخوردم !
دكتر اول كمى تعجب كرد ، بعد از جاش پا شد و آمد كاغذى را كه نتيجه ى آزمايشام توش بود جلوم گرفت و گفت : ببين سعيد جان ، اگرچه كلسترولت پايين اومده ، اما قند خونت خيلى بالاست ، فشار خونت هم طبيعى نيست ، بايد فكرى به حال شون بكنى .
سعيد گفت : خب ، ميگى چيكار كنم دكتر ؟
و دكتر با خونسردى گفت : همون كارى كه با نسخه هاي قبلى ت كردى !!


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